What is self-sabotage and why do we do it to ourselves?
To me, self-sabotage is when we make choices, whether conscious or unconscious, that will cause us to take steps back instead of taking steps forward.
These steps backward are also done at crucial moments in life to qualify as self-sabotage.
This self-sabotage is done when we start to see progress or success in the areas of life that we have been working towards improving.
I feel like self-sabotage is closely related to the fear of success. I would define someone who has a fear of success as someone that starts working on their goals and projects but then will find excuses of why it won’t work or why they can’t keep moving forward.
Like self-sabotage, the choices that lead to a fear of success are often unconscious choices.
I will give an example from my own life to fully illustrate what I mean by using the term self-sabotage.
March was a successful month for me. I sold almost 20 books, got paid for coaching and made good progress on other goals and projects too.
Then April came. Subconsciously, I started to get scared that I would succeed and would have a more significant platform and audience to whom I could deliver my message.
Why would this be scary? It is scary for me because I have limiting, subconscious beliefs that say I am not good enough. I also have a limiting belief that says I am not important and that I will not succeed.
If you asked me if this is how I consciously felt I would say no and would call you crazy for even making the suggestion. I would say I can do anything I want and I am capable of doing anything I want to do. I believe 100% in my dreams and my ability to make them come true.
Based on results though this is not true. When April came, I started to do what I do best, and that is to self-sabotage myself. I began to use cannabis every single day, and that would be my excuse not to get any work done. I would say that I would do it tomorrow as I want to relax and enjoy the cannabis for the moment.
Cannabis is my kryptonite. I use it as an excuse to not play big and to not step up and take a more significant role in my life. This way I can blame my lack of success on the cannabis instead of owning the fact that I can be my own worst enemy.
Using cannabis is a classic example of self-sabotage and the fear of success. It is also the perfect excuse to not have to look deeper at my issues and my belief system. It’s not me it’s the cannabis. It is the easy way out.
Fortunately, maybe, unfortunately, I do not believe in taking the easy way out, and I know that it goes a lot deeper than just blaming it on the cannabis.
What can we do when we start to self-sabotage? Awareness is the first step to change. We must own the fact that that is what we are doing. Once we accept that we are self-sabotaging ourselves, we can start to analyze the situation.
Why are we doing it? What are the triggers for it? What are the underlying beliefs that are causing us to self-sabotage? There are many levels to this depending on how deep you want to go.
The important matter here is that you begin to question your behavior and motives. Once you start to ask questions, then you begin to peel the layers and get to the real cause.
Then you can start to ask yourself if this is serving you or not. If it is not helping you, then you can begin to think about making another choice.
You can even ask if what you currently have in your life are the results you want to have and if not then what can you do differently to get different results.
It takes a lot of work to get to the causes of our self-sabotage and to be able to identify our limiting beliefs. We all have them.
Fortunately for me, I have been doing this kind of work for over five years now, and it becomes evident to me when and why I am sabotaging.
If this feels like something you might be dealing with, but you need some help with working through it then feel free to reach out to me and see if we can work together. I am a Certified Coach and have the necessary tools and information to help you dig deep.
It is only by getting to what lies beneath the surface that we can make real change. If I only change the behavior, in this case using cannabis, then I will start to self-sabotage differently because I haven’t dealt with what lies beneath the self-sabotage.
As for my self-sabotage, it is something that I am consciously and actively working on.
I would advise you to journal about it, use affirmations to change the limiting beliefs you have, read books, go to a seminar, work with a coach or ask for the support you need.
I feel that we can be our own worst enemies and that if we were to eliminate self-sabotage, then we would be able to achieve our wildest dreams!!